FAQ

Some Q & A with the Lord...
Q: Will Homosexuals go to hell?
Q: Will Abortionists go to hell?
Q: Will Liberals go to hell?
Q: Will Conservatives go to hell?
Q: Will I go to hell?
A: You are all asking the wrong question. The question should be, how will I be judged?

Q: Is there really a Heaven and a Hell?
A: Yes, but I dont recommend them. See the above question. What people dont realize is just how long eternity is. Even the most ardently guilty get tired of Hell after a few thousand years. One day they just look at the flames, look at the demons poking at them, look at the flesh still roasting off their bodies, and realize that it's all really quite boring. Then they get up out of the sulpher pit and try to find someone in charge. The demons think it's hilarious. I should say, though, that it's not like bad behavior wont be punished, it's just that the punishment is a lot more subtle. And devastating.
As for Heaven, you should spend a entire week at the beach only staring at the ocean, or in the forest only watching the sunlight through the leaves, or on a hillside only staring at the clouds before you will yourself to spend eternity in Heaven. Many humans cannot wait 3 minutes for microwave popcorn without becoming antsy, so, as you might imagine, most can stand less bliss in Heaven than those in Hell can stand torment. Eventually, most people go for reincarnation, though that's by no means the only option.
Q: What do you mean "see the above question"? What does "how will I be judged?" have to do with the existence of Heaven and Hell?
A: Because Heaven and Hell are a part of your belief system. If you believe in Heaven and Hell, and you have behaved in such a manner as to get your final Reward, then such places must exist.
Q: But what about Unbelievers? Dont they go to Hell?
A: Have you not been paying any attention? Are you the Unbeliever? If not, dont worry about the Unbeliever, worry about your own soul. The disposition of any Soul is solely between that soul and Myself. Dont ever think of your role with anyone else's soul to be any more than that of a minor advisor.

Q: Do You have a sense of humor?
A: Yes, but humans wouldnt get a lot of it, since it has a lot to do with time, space, and quantum permutations. I like the Three Stooges, also. And what will happen to fundamentalists is pretty funny if you take the long view and ignore all the suffering they cause.

Q: Do You have any Rules?
A: Not really. That's kind of the whole point of Free Will. I do have some basic guidelines, but I wouldnt call them rules. You are free do whatever. That's not to say, however, that there isnt behavior I dont like and,ultimately, wont let you get away with. The Golden Rule, which you'll find repeated in various forms in various religions, is a pretty good guide. It's easier and more accurate just to say, "Be nice to people, and hold yourself to at least as high of a standard as you hold others". There is a Higher Purpose to the Universe, and cruelty to other beings does not help it along.
Q: But what about the Commandments?
A: I find that while some humans do best when they understand the underpinning of the rules, many other people just simply need specific rules. That's okay, I'm willing to oblige. But again, just as in discussions about your soul, the Rules are between you and Me.

Q: When I die and go to Heaven, will I see my loved ones there?
A: Yes. If you die and go to Heaven, you will see your loved ones there.
Q: What about my dog? Do dogs go to Heaven?
A: All creatures have their own thing, but yes, if you die and go to Heaven, you will see your dog in there.
Q: What about beer? Or Rock and Roll? Houris?
A: (sigh) Yes, if you die and go to Heaven, all that you desire will be there. But I'm warning you, that's not as interesting as it sounds.

Q: You're not God! I know God, and you're not Him!
A: Lloyd Bentson? Is that you, I thought you were dead? (That joke is a lot funnier if you can perceive multiple quantum universes).
No, you do not know God. Humans cannot even begin to conceive of Me well enough to claim knowledge of Me. What you might know is a tiny portion of Me. What you do have is FAITH.
Q: Dont know God?! I have studied the Bible extensively and intently everyday for my whole life! I KNOW God!
A: You KNOW the Bible. To think you know God because you've studied the Bible, is to think you know the Earth because you've studied a rock.
Q: The Bible is the Word of God!
A: Yes, but not all the Words.
Q: Liar! Satan! You are the Great deceiver, and I will not listen!
A: Well, nobody asked you to. Let me remind you of Free Will. You dont have to listen to Me. You dont have to listen to Satan. You dont have to listen to anybody. You are also free to live with the consequences of your choice.

Q: If someone calls upon Your Wrath, do you listen.
A: No.

Q: So, which is correct, Evolution or Intelligent Design?
A: Both, of course, and neither. I designed the parameters that naturally give rise to evolution; that is, Death and Procreation. I really like the unpredictability you get with Evolution, too. Not so much the End Result, but the variety of paths to it. It's quite astonishing really. You'd be amazed at the number of things which turn out to be "the fittest".
Q: So You dont meddle in the Life on Earth?
A: I try not to meddle in Life Anywhere, and believe Me, it's a big universe. Occasionally I or one of My angels will give a bit of a nudge, but it's usually in the form of environmental changes if it's anything. But that's rare.
Q: But everything meshes so well, how could it not have been designed by You?
A: It meshes so well because it formed over millions, or billions of years. Humans have such a short lifespan, and such a narrow perception that they simply cannot grasp the numbers involved. Each "finely tuned" part of your body is the result of millions of little changes over eons of time. The changes that didnt work, were eventually, or quickly, lost. Billions of them. Like so many things, only in hindsight does it look like it was supposed to be that way, but it could have gone all sorts of ways, and if you ever manage to make off your planet and out into the universe, you'll find that out.
Q: What do you mean "if we get off our planet we'll find out"?
A: One of the reasons everything looks designed on Earth is because so much of the material is shared. Some things that worked for a mollusk a few billion years ago still work for you today. Many people make the mistake of confusing consistancy with Intelligence.
Q: What about the Platypus?
A: You'd think that was a joke, wouldnt you? But it's actually a perfect example, in small scale, of what I was taking about earlier; millions of little changes, millions of little failures, adding together in unpredictable ways, even within a tightly woven genetic system like yours.
Now, I'll tell you. I do indulge Myself from time to time, and on a rather cold planet somewhere in Sagitarius is a wholey (Ha! "Holy") "designed" creature that is actually one of My more elaborate jokes. So elaborate, in fact, that you probably wont recognise it as such until eons after you've encountered it.

Q: How do I know you're not Satan, trying to snare me in a lie and collect my soul?
A: You dont. That's why it's called Faith.